


Talk

by idektvshows



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Healing, process
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 15:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16244810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idektvshows/pseuds/idektvshows
Summary: Julia Montague did not associate herself with the word weak, she hated feeling like she wasn't in control, she only very rarely displayed weakness, it simply did not run through her veins, or at least that was what she was led to believe.





	Talk

**Author's Note:**

> All feedback is greatly received, thank you :D

Ever since the Event That They Do Not Talk About happened, Julia had developed PTSD and had regular nightmares. They were unpredictable to say the least, she would always wake him up - not that he slept much, because the truth of the matter was he was always alert and ready to spring into action. Sometimes she’d wake up screaming, sometimes followed by uncontrollable crying, other times not. Each time though, she’d be sweating profusely from the horror of her reality, and once the nightmares started to happen on a regular basis and subsequently began to affect not only him but their relationship, he knew had to find his own way to deal with it. One night in particular, David woke up to a specific patterned kick to his calf- she was having a bad nightmare (as he rated the severity of them) and after missing the hook of her knuckles against his jaw, he decided he needed to put himself into the line of fire and hold her whilst she endured it. When it was all over, she let out a deflated whimper and he watched her closely as her breathing regulated. 

Being unable to stop her from experiencing the same torment over and over again was slowly destroying him but he finally began to understand what it must have been like for Vicky and his parents, having suffered from PTSD. Yet, despite all the distress and ache he felt in his chest, he settled back down with Julia safety in his arms and began to sniffle silently. She opened her eyes, daring not to say anything, being too scared and not wanting to show weakness, she stared out across the room, feeling guilty and pained because she knew what she had done - she hurt him - she blinked heavily, her eyes red, puffy and stinging from the fear and anguish she felt during her nightmares. She sunk her fingernails into his arm as she processed what happened knowing they'd produce marks, which would threaten to leave bruises. David pressed his nose to her hair, he knew she was awake but unable to form a coherent or articulate sentence, he swallowed the lump in his throat before whispering.

“I think it's time” he stated, his words empty to anyone on the outside but being life altering to them. His heart breaking into two but knowing it was logistically what had to come next.

As painful as it was to say, and with her best intentions at the forefront of his mind, he watched her absorb his statement by shutting her eyes, inhaling and exhaling, a tear escaping and rolling down her cheek. He waited awhile and without saying anything she suddenly let go of him, moved his hand from around her and slid from under his grip, getting up, she quietly disappeared into the bathroom, nonchalantly as possible as if she hadn't just been in a whirlwind of despair and weakness beside him. The sense of brokenness, disillusion and rigidness eerie in the atmosphere - she moved on, pretended everything was fine because that is what she always did, it was ingrained in her mind to do that but the truth was:

_Julia Montague did not associate herself with the word weak, she hated feeling like she wasn't in control, she only very rarely displayed weakness, it simply did not run through her veins, or at least that was what she was led to believe._

****

4 months on and Julia was making remarkable progress in her counselling, the session she had been relieved of was the most gruelling hour session she had ever experienced. She didn't feel in control and she hated it, everything she believed before the explosion did cease to exist, she had become accustomed to someone who had control of herself, her decisions and that of many other people below her, and she felt damned if someone ever tried to overrule that, but here she was, feeling weak, raw, she didn't feel like herself, she felt unrecognisable. This fractured and broken woman she saw in the reflection of the mirror was someone she refused to acknowledge. The hour in her counselling had become far more personal than she intended, but it was a milestone in her recovery, and she was told to feel proud of her accomplishment which she found ludicrous. She laughed at her counsellors comment as it was highly entertaining to her to think that being able to vocalise her trauma was such a stepping stone, seeing as usually an accomplishment was a speech, or a move closer to power within the cabinet, but not this time.

During this process, although she was adamant to keep it separate from work and from interfering further in her personal life, she asked one thing from David and that was if he would accompany her to her sessions and be alongside her through it all. Each time he sat in the same spot every week and waited patiently, he'd have flashbacks to when she was beside him in bed, crying, desperately seeking resolute from her trauma. But nothing prepared him for when she left that day - sometimes she’d leave silently and walk to the lift with the expectation he’d follow not too dissimilar from when he was her PPO, sometimes she’d smile at him thanking him and ask for his hand, but on this rare occasion she took a seat and rested her head on his shoulder, reeling from the progress she had made.

“You ok love?” he asked gently.

“Yes” she exhaled, her eyes full of trepidation but relief and slid her fingers between his, gazing at their adjoined fingers he felt her become comfortable.

This was a turning point for her - it was as if the anxiety that manifested inside her body that threatened her on the daily basis, _the biggest burden of her life,_ had slowly started to fall away. Having been there himself, he recognised that she must have found courage and strength to speak about her deepest and darkest fears and he knew she was coming back to him and to everything she knew and loved.

****

8 months on and she had finished her journey with the counsellor; deemed completely fit and ready to return to work. Although she looked ready, David could see beneath the surface she held something very painful and raw back from him, from everyone.

Coincidentally, it was also their anniversary and she dedicated the evening to them, ignoring his protests, she proceeded to book a table at the restaurant he remembers attending as her PPO, the time when he ended back at hers, eating fish and chips in her living room.

“This isn’t necessary” he droned, shaking his head as they sat down at the table, the people sat across and around them, dressed up to the nines in a delicate Conservative way, making him feel insecure in his everyday suit.

“It is” she insisted firmly for what seemed like the twentieth time, her eyebrow raising ever so finely, as she looked at him disapprovingly, “It's to say thank you”

“Julia, love” he sighed and placed his warm hand over hers and caressed the skin delicately.

“I love you,” his declaration always made her heart flutter and made her feel giddy even under such a difficult circumstance as this, “you’re the woman I love, you're my rock” he ensured she knew wholly how much she meant to him. “I chose to stand right next to you no matter what. I do it regardless of what life throws at us because that’s what you do for the person you love -- you support them through the hard and relentless times as well as the good” he explained with all his knowledge, momentarily dismissing and being ignorant to the fact that both had been married and in prior serious relationships before. However, it was different for them now because he wasn't from her world and she wasn't from his, they were opposites, supposedly opponents once upon a time.

“I love you too” she vowed and that was that.

****

On the year of their first anniversary, they practically crawled into bed fully dressed, neither getting any younger, and the workload getting busier.

“You should consider allowing your aides leeway” he suggested as he raised an arm and she instinctively cuddled up beside him.

“I hate that you’re right," she huffed and lifted her head to him, "but you should keep your nose out of my affairs” she hinted, gently warning him.

He looked at her but laughed, her warnings didn't keep him at bay, he saw beyond them and knew they wouldn't come to fruition.

“I’m glad you find it amusing” she tutted, her eyes mock rolling before she rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. He toyed with her hair between his fingers and enjoyed the feeling of her being so intimate with him.

“It's so good to crawl into bed next to you” Julia yawned as smoothed over his shirt, playing with the buttons.

For the first time in months, she felt like she was getting back to normal, she wasn't afraid of her trauma or talking about it anymore.

“Hmm” he agreed, enjoying the closeness and wrapped his arm around her body tightly causing her to lay on his side lopsidedly, her leg tangling between his.

“You always smell so good” he stated appreciatively and left a kiss against her temple.

“As do you” she rubbed her nose against his crisp white shirt and moved her head to look in his eyes.

She looked at him with such love and adoration, her hand meeting his hair and playing with it gently. He watched her as her facial expression changed from the love to a frown and then to appearing perplexed in deep contemplation, thinking thoroughly, her body humming as it was anticipating something. After an elongated silence with undertones of tension, Julia began to delve.

“There was a bang today in the office” she suddenly confessed, her voice faltering, she felt his subtle grip get firmer around her waist and appreciated the sentiment.

“It made me think of that day-” she abruptly stopped, terrified to utter those words.

He could hear in her voice she was struggling to articulate, “You don’t have-"

“No” she interjected, “I know, but I want to” she insisted fighting an internal battle. Julia knew her own mind and David knew not to belittle nor second guess her, but nevertheless, feeling calm and collected. He watched as she wholly focused on playing with his shirt collar, a distraction to help her relieve the burden as she bared all.

“I initially froze, my body full of impending trepidation but then it went and I found myself looking around - at everyone, at Fenton and I knew I was safe. It was surreal, I didn’t feel like a quivering mess, I felt - ok” she sighed relief, smiling slightly.

"On the way home this evening, I recalled those few seconds in the auditorium where I saw you running towards me, determination and panic across your face - because you knew something was happening, and then we were blown apart” her voice weakened, cracks in her voice becoming evident.

“I looked you in the eyes and all I wanted was you to reach me and scoop me into your arms, to take me far, far away but instead you were dragged back and I was thrown to the floor.” it was agonising for her to finally inform him of the dread and sheer panic she had endured but she was remarkable, she held it together, even now, even after all she had experienced and David was so enthralled and proud of her and her resilience. 

“And then I recall you, your presence beside me, it felt like I was crushed, I know the podium broke apart on top of me but it felt heavier, like it was a metaphor for my life crashing down around me, and I was completely paralysed, unable to salvage any of it.” she stopped and allowed the emotion to wash over her, allowing David to hold, soothe, comfort and absorb her words. She dare not look at him in fear. 

“The possibility of losing you was too much too bear,” she took his hand firmly in her own, “I remember most of what happened, and that's why I’ve been a bloody mess since then. I withheld the details from you because I know you've suffered and I didn't want to cause you irrevocable lasting damage." she justified. "That’s why I wasn’t able to confide in you until now because I was saving you from getting hurt and I didn't want to destroy the man I love." she made eye contact, "But I am getting better, I am healing and although I'll always been reminded of what happened because of my scars, I know I had and have you beside me" 

 

And with that, David knew he would never know the intimate and intricate details of her nightmares, maybe in time she might open up, but in the present, he didn't want to know. And that was enough.


End file.
